SUDIRMAN 12190

EPISODE 2.11: The Dickhead

Sudirman today: It was Saturday. The show would not start till 8 p.m. Unlike the other years where they would stage the show at Kautaman, they were staging their performance at Hotel Mulia. There would be more or less 1000 people? They were told to be there at 6 p.m. but it was only 4 p.m. now and Natalia Batubara was at Theresia Church in Menteng. She was there to find calmness and peace. 

A friend once told her: “Sometimes, you need to get lost to find yourself.” Well not a friend, but that Australian kid in the Walkabout commercial. And right now she was lost. And she was trying to find herself. She was preparing herself for the play. She was immersed in thought, trying to remember the lines. Aside from her, and like three other people who were already there praying and the choir who were practicing, it felt so spacious. The church was like a castle. And she owned it at that moment. Princesses needed her castles right? And she was in it. She was sitting on the front row looking at the altar. She was halfway through her lines when her eyes fell on the statue of Jesus on the cross. 

He looked like he was hurting. Real bad. 

But Na imagined if he hurt as much she did when Joshua bailed on her at the debutante ball. Na let out a sigh. He must’ve hurt more she thought those nails on his body were not just metal nails. They were nails of the thousands and thousands of people who requested him to be crucified. The nails pinned on her were only from Joshua Tanuwijaya. One nail against a thousand. Na couldn’t bear the pain. She imagined thousands of Joshua then and there so she stood up and headed for the church doors. 

But, as she turned around to head for the door, Joshua was standing there. Looking more wasted than he ever did. Na thought he looked pathetic, but that’s what made him look hot. The choir began to practice on of their songs.

And I 
Never thought I’d feel this way
And as far as I’m concerned I’m glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you

“Oh my God,” said Na lazily. “This must be a fucking dream.” But Joshua just walked closer to her.

“Na please just listen to what I have to say…”

And if I should ever go away
Well then close your eyes and try to feel the way we do today
And than if you can’t remember…..

“No,” replied Na blandly. She turned course and headed out of the double doors on the left side of the church. “Na please wait,” Joshua said from behind her. He followed her from behind. She walked faster and soon the two were in the side parking lot of the church. He grabbed her hand from behind her. “Na please listen. Just give me a couple of minutes.” Na looked back at him. “Fine, you have my attention. What do you want to tell me Joshua?”

Keep smilin’
Keep shinin’
Knowin’ you can always count on me 
for sure
that’s what friends are for
In good times
And bad times
I’ll be on your side forever more
That’s what friends are for

“I want to tell you why I bailed on you at the ball,” he replied. Na didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry I left without telling you but I was foolish. I didn’t know how to face you. You were nothing but nice to me Na and I feel that it was unfair that I left you and bailed on you without an explanation. I’m very very sor-”

“Can you please just get to the fucking point Joshua,” replied Na. He was getting on her nerves.

Well you came and open me
And now there’s so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you….

“I-I…I bailed on you at the ball because…” He paused. “Because the night before, I had sex with Shiela and didn’t know how to face you. I’m very sorry Na. I thought it would be best for both of us if I left. But I felt very guilty for not telling you why I bailed. Na, I’m very sorry. Please, Na, forgive me. I hope we can still be friends Na. I don’t want to lose you. Friends?”

Ohhh and then 
For the times when we’re apart
Well just close your eyes and know
These words are comming from my heart
And then if you can’t remember….Ohhhhh

Na shook her head. “I’m sorry Joshua. I don’t think I can ever be your friend again. After everything that you’ve done to me. I counted on you to show up. I was sure that you’re going to show up. So sure that I humiliated myself Josh. I humiliated myself. And we were in a boyfriend girlfriend relationship when you made me humiliate myself. As friends, do you think I still can count on you? I stuck with you through the bad times, the fun times but I was still never enough was I? You had to go after my best friend too?” Joshua tried to cut her. “No Josh. I know you’re going to say that she approached you. Yes she did. But you didn’t love me enough to withstand her approach. You were not by my side as my boyfriend so I don’t think there is a chance you’ll be by my side as just a friend. And let’s keep it at that. Let’s not do anymore stupid things.”

Keep smilin’
Keep shinin’
Knowin’ you can always count on me 
for sure
that’s what friends are for
In good times
And bad times
I’ll be on your side forever more
That’s what friends are for

“I have a performance soon,” Na said to end their conversation. “So I guess I’ll be on my way.” Na walked away.

“Na,” Joshua called. Na turned around. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,” Na said. “You should be.” She turned around again and was on her way.

Later: Na was on her way to the hotel. She picked her phone and dialed a friend. After a few beeps that friend answered. “Hey Sharaz, I need help with some photos that I want you to edit.”

“What photos Na?”

“I’ll send it to your email with the details and stuff. I’m sure it’ll be a fun task,” Na said.

“What does it involve?” Sharaz asked.

“Steamy male nudity and my head cropped on the photo to cover the dick. I just sent it dear. Enjoy!”

“Will do,” replied Sharaz happily.

Stop being a dickhead,
Why are you being a dickhead for
You’re just fucking up situations
Why are you being a dickhead for
Stop being a dickhead,
Why you being a dickhead for
You’re just fucking up situations

Stop, now don’t show
Just have a think before you
Will you, stop, now don’t show
Just have a think before you

Will you stop, no don’t show
Just have a think before you
Will you stop, don’t show
Will you just have a think before you

My brain and my bones don’t want to take, this anymore
No my brain and my bones don’t want to take, this anymore
No my brain and my bones don’t want to take with this anymore
No my brain and my bones don’t want to take, this anymore, so

Why are you being a dickhead for
Stop being a dickhead
Why are you being a dickhead for
You’re just fucking up situations

Why are you being a dickhead for
Stop being a dickhead
Why you being a dickhead for
You’re just fucking up situations

Songs used:

That’s What Friends Are For -Stevie Wonder
Dickhead -Kate Nash

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